Your closest friend from high school stopped hanging out with you as much, and you blame the new girlfriend. You keep hearing about friends getting married, but you've yet to get a wedding invitation. It was annoying at first, but after the fifth wedding you started wondering if maybe they think that you don't like wedding cake. Maybe it's not even about that. Perhaps you have a social life, but it feels like it's on life support. You sometimes have lunch with coworkers, you have a roommate, or live with family (thanks, Toronto real estate prices!). But it still feels like something is missing. What gives?
The Psychology of the Problem
Loneliness is the feeling that you get when you don't have the kinds of social relationships that you desire. It's a subjective feeling that is based on the difference between the connection you have and what you desire. So, you can be married and feel lonely because you don't have many friends. Or you could be single with a large friend group (and a loyal dog), yet feel lonely because you want a romantic partner (who's not allergic to dogs). It's even possible for two people with the same relationship status and similar social circles to feel different degrees of loneliness. This is because loneliness is also affected by the quality of your relationships instead of the quantity.
Additionally, research involving 46,000 people and spanning over 200 countries revealed differences in experiences of loneliness across culture, age, and gender. Loneliness increased with individualism, decreased with age, and was greater in men than women. The group most vulnerable to loneliness was younger men living in individualist cultures. That might explain all the chatter you've heard recently about a male loneliness epidemic. So if you're a young man living in Canada, it makes sense that Google served up this article. Welcome, friend. And let's see if we can find you some more friends.
Practical Tips Related to the Issue
What to do about your loneliness will depend on what's causing your loneliness. Causes of loneliness might be practical or psychological. Practical challenges can be overcome with (you guessed it) practice! So let's start with those.
Tackling Practical Issues
One practical consideration when tackling loneliness is whether you're making efforts to meet new people. And no, your Reddit friends don't count. While it might be tempting to seek connection online, internet friends are no substitute for in-person interactions and close friendships. Consider taking up a hobby such as playing a sport, learning to dance, or taking in-person classes for something you're interested in.
If the thought of engaging in new group activities scares you, facing that fear is another practical problem that you can solve. Learn to be comfortable in social situations, and develop social skills such as small talk (yes, small talk is a skill). It might seem scary at first, but if you keep exposing yourself to situations that scare you, they will eventually become less scary.
Unpacking Psychological Issues
Sometimes the practical steps seem a step too far. You might have thoughts such as "what's the point of trying all that, when I'm about as interesting as a pigeon in Toronto?". Or "other people always leave". Or maybe you have a bigger belief such as "it's hard to make friends in a big city". If you have such beliefs, ask yourself: do they help you to feel less lonely or more lonely? What are the advantages of keeping such beliefs? What are the disadvantages of keeping such beliefs?
Considering those questions can motivate you to identify and change any beliefs that do not support your desire for connection. They may also help you overcome any hesitation to open up to others. If you don't open up to others, it makes sense that your relationships will feel about as deep as the plot of Fast and Furious 10. Get your social gears out of reverse and move towards connectedness and making close friends.
Conclusion
It is natural for friendships and social circles to change over time. But if you are unhappy with your situation, there are steps that you can take to change it. Try to engage in one in-person social activity this week. And if you already have friends, consider ways to deepen the connection with them by eliminating any thinking patterns that might keep you from getting closer. If forming and maintaining friendships has been a long-term issue for you, a therapist can help you to identify the root causes and devise and action plan to tackle this issue.
References
Barreto, M., Victor, C., Hammond, C., Eccles, A., Richins, M. T., & Qualter, P. (2021). Loneliness around the world: Age, gender, and cultural differences in loneliness. Personality and individual differences, 169, 110066.
Beck, J. S. (n.d.). Why we feel lonely and how CBT can help. Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Retrieved October 22, 2025, from https://cares.beckinstitute.org/blog/why-we-feel-lonely-and-how-cbt-can-help/
